Tag: RECOVERY

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Persistent or insane?

As I sit at my desk by the patio door composing a few thoughts to share with you, I am hearing a repetitive thump against the door from the outside. This door has a reflective film applied to the inside to reduce the sun’s glare and to keep my indoor space cooler. It also is mirrored on the outside to provide privacy. Numerous birds have committed suicide flying into the door thinking they are flying into open space or maybe to engage the image of the other bird in the mirror.

The thump is a lizard. Where I live the lizard is as common as the mosquitoes that they feast on. Color it green and we have hundreds of Geico geckos prowling the yard and patio. They provide great entertainment for the cats confined indoors.

This particular lizard has taken a liking to its image or perhaps it is attempting to snare the attention of any nearby female lizards. He jumps from a chair into the glass, falls to the ground, climbs the chair again and leaps into the image on the glass. Again and again and again. Watching him is exhausting yet at the same time inspiring.

Have we ever been like that lizard? In recovery programs we call it insanity. We drank to excess again and again and again, thinking that maybe this time the outcome would be different. Instead of getting wasted, belligerent and violent, we believed that we could drink sociably, drive home safely, engage with our families lovingly, go to bed happily and arise the next morning for work bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Yeah, guys, that was absolute insanity.

That silly lizard climbs onto the chair, jumps into the mirror for whatever reason his lizard-sized brain is formulating and all he will accomplish is an oversized headache in the morning. Sound familiar?

When was the last time you woke up with an enormous headache trying to remember how you got home last night, where did I park the truck, is my spouse going to serve me eggs or throw them at me when I go to breakfast?

Remembering those times is a blessing, continually living those times is insanity. Where do we stand?

But back to the lizard. The persistence. It is inspiring. We had it when we were pursuing the bottle and now we can apply it to living a fruitful, productive and joyous life with spouses and families. Our Higher Power is awesome.

And Gabby says Amen.

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Introvert! Who, me?

I somehow knew I was different as a young boy when I preferred hiking alone in the nearby woods to playing baseball with the guys. I realized that maybe the term ‘introvert’ fit me when I preferred a night with a good book over a Saturday night socializing with the gang at the local hangout. Yeah, didn’t take much introspection to know that I was following a different drummer in life.

And they, the ‘normal’ people in my life, aside from calling me a wallflower, dull, and uninteresting allowed me to be who I was. My friend’s mother said that I had no personality. In today’s young culture I would have been called a nerd. But I prospered as an introvert. I developed inner strengths, deep personal understanding and a devotion to the quiet things of my world. I learned to study people and tune in to their inner workings. I became the observer at sock hops and in the classroom. I learned first-hand about prejudice and intolerance. Thanks to high school bullies, I knew early in life that some of us were destined to have a difficult row to hoe. It made me stronger and prepared me for the heartaches of being different.

Gosh, the years have passed quickly. And still today, some folks have a need to label who I am. Most often I can take it with a grain of salt. I have learned over my many years to fight back as necessary. That has earned me another label, irascible. Gabby prefers ornery, unpredictable or bull-headed. It confirms his standing with the willy-nilly crowd. And it’s important. If a man fits in with the crowd around him, becomes one of the good ole boys, he hasn’t fully appreciated the nature of autonomy and independence. If he doesn’t learn to assert his right to say yay or nay to the demands put upon him, he will lose the ability to choose what is best for himself. He gives control of his happiness to another person. Perhaps a spouse, a friend, a family member will presume to know what’s right for him.

Once again, I can hear some of you asking, “Gabby, what’s your point?”

Hear me and hear me well. If I choose to embrace a few unhealthy habits that could hasten my earthly demise, then so be it. That is my choice. If I drive too fast or eat too much ice cream, then I will probably die knowing that I have also lived.

If I advocate for the marginalized, the oppressed, the homeless and the other brothers Jesus mentioned in Matthew 25 and when I label myself a Matthew 25 Christian, then I have followed my calling by the entity I label as Higher Power. So there, my judgmental brothers and sisters is a label that I am proud of. Use it!

A few years back y’all didn’t approve of my friendship with a homeless, alcoholic man. I helped him with shelter, food and cash and you chose to see it in vile, ungodly behavior. Well, guess what, sister? That man is sober, living in another state, creating a new life for himself.

Yeah, call me angry if it makes you feel any better, but you can take your smirks and condescension and stuff it in your Bibles or whatever you are reading to justify your intolerance.

As for me, I will rely on the old, reliable, irascible Gabby to find my joy and peace. Brother Gabby is a beacon in a dark sea.

And Gabby says, “Amen, brother.”

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sticks n stones

Yeah, I can still hear my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Snyder, belt out in her high pitched teaching voice, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Mrs. Snyder was quite the moralist, had an opinion about everything and her opinion was usually based on her strong religious upbringing. Today, more than ever, I appreciate the tradition of my community and family because it empowered a man to use his God-given brain to choose a proper course for his life.

Well, Mrs. Snyder was wrong. Words can break a man. Words of ridicule, judgement, infidelity, dishonesty, prejudice and hatred can be devastating. Words can diminish a man’s worth in his community. Lies, innuendo, gossip can wipe out in a heartbeat a lifetime of character building and decency. But more significantly, words can destroy relationships.

I smile when someone calls me a liberal, a snowflake or woke. I wave back when someone points a middle finger at me because of the decals on my truck indicating my political choices. And I refuse to engage with people who use their version of God to justify their lies and hatred.

But even Gabby has to draw the line at some point. Do not ever, again I say ever, think it’s OK to call me a godless, communist Democrat and expect our relationship to endure and continue as before. It ain’t gonna happen, bro.

And Gabby says Amen.

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CONVERSATIONS: WORRY

Hey man, we need to talk. No, it’s not anything you have done. I know you by now and I trust that you are too old to get yourself in trouble. I didn’t say wise, I said you’re too old, brother.

You friggin worry too much. You fret about food, shelter, safety, security and money. Now, hear me bro. How old are you? Almost 79, right? Have you ever been without food? Have you ever needed to sleep in the woods? Havre you ever felt threatened or insecure in your environment? Have you ever been absolutely busted, not a penny in your pocket or your bank account? Get honest. I’m right here with you and I know the truth. Been with you for 79 years and I will not abandon you now.

So, what do you worry about? What breaks your peace of mind and serenity? Oh, I see. It’s other people and their behavior. It’s what they say to you, what they say about you, what they think of you. Well, here’s how it is. You don’t control a damn thing about other people. If they want to be assholes, that’s their problem. I will handle that in my own way.

It’s the past. You worry about the things you have done or left undone. It’s the times when you didn’t walk with me and you lived the life of a prodigal. Nothing about your past is a secret, brother. I know it all and I still love you with a passion that is beyond your understanding. Grow up and accept my love and forgiveness.

I can see you squirming with another “yeah, but”. Yeah, but what? What else do you worry about?

OK, so you’re worried about the darkness in this world, about the inhumanity of the world’s political systems, about the elected leaders who abuse their power. Yeah, I agree. The world is a mess. Too many people being murdered, too much greed, too little compassion for the hungry, the homeless, the poor and oppressed. I get it man, I hate it too. Unfortunately, that’s who y’all are. Maybe that’s why you need me.

You needed me 45 years ago to step in and take over your drunken life. You begged and pleaded and finally surrendered to a better way. You came back from your personal darkness, your walk through hell. And together we made a life for you. It wasn’t always easy. There was a lot of pain and heartache, but we did it, didn’t we , brother?

And what did we pray everyday?

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I should and the wisdom to know the difference.”

We did it, man. We conquered those demons and found a better way to live. A life of clean and serene. I could not have done it without your surrender and you could not have done it without my love and power.

Together, my brother. We did it together. So quit the worrying. I’m the One in control. Trust me. Haven’t let you down in 79 years.

And Gabby says, “Amen.”

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yesterday

Gabby is lounging lazily awaiting the first of numerous football games scheduled for today. It’s Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving Day. Probably too much to eat yesterday and a natural proclivity to take the benefits of retirement to heart attribute to Gabby’s casual approach.

We ate well. Roast turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, stewed sweet potatoes, and choice of 3 pies including apple, pumpkin and mince. Gabby, a product of the Pennsylvania Dutch culture chose the mince pie. But unlike Grandma’s mince meat pies of years ago, this version had no beef nor was it served drenched with a shot of whiskey. We thanked our Lord for the bounty and ate heartily.

How was your meal? Was your dinner table loaded with the wealth we have become accustomed to? Or did your family scale back due to the difficult times we are enduring as a nation? Many folks did not have the resources to celebrate the abundance. Especially those folks who necessarily rely on SNAP, the fed’s government nutritional assistance program, scrambled to provide food for their tables as the Potus and his minions denied funding for SNAP.

Several of Gabby’s and Larry’s friends from years past have been unhoused men who had hit on hard times. They survived in challenging conditions. They were grateful for their Lord’s provision and lived many days by a simple faith driven by determination and brotherly love for one another.

Howard had a part-time job as a dishwasher at a local mom and pop restaurant. He regularly came home with an overflowing bag of food that the restaurant manager had planned to throw in the garbage.

“Nothing wrong with it,” he proclaimed. “It’s good food.”

Indeed, it was good food that Howard saved from the dumpster. We all ate well since the restaurant’s specialty was Italian fare.

Another friend proudly boasted of his dumpster-diving skills. He observed numerous businesses and knew when each disposed of its out-of-date sandwiches and snacks. His favorite was the Wawa store on the corner. They had the best Cuban sandwiches even when they were a day over expiration date.

So, Gabby and Larry can only ponder as they remember those good days with loving friends. Did the Potus, his family and members of Congress who defunded SNAP fine dine yesterday on dumpster specials? If not, they ought to try it for Christmas. I’m too old and creaky to climb into dumpsters for food but I am blessed with friends who can and for that I am sincerely grateful during this season of love and gratitude.

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scapegoats

What is on Gabby’s mind today are the scapegoats POTUS 47 is creating to the delight of numb-minded Americans and the MAGA crowd. Immigrants, transgenders, blacks and browns, the unhoused population, woke folks, and most recently the Democrats have become his targets.

Certainly, Charlie Kirk did not deserve to die by an assassin’s bullet. His was just another dedicated voice for the far-right rhetoric pumped by the POTUS and his supporters. But on cue, the POTUS played his favorite trump card, viciously blaming everyone and everything for the shooting other than a man and his gun.

If y’all need a scapegoat, take a look at gun violence which has become a sad commentary on American society in 2025. However, it seems that disenfranchised people are an easier target for the POTUS and his minions. All of history’s infamous despots hit upon this realization quickly in their reigns of terror.

Of course, Gabby is not comparing POTUS 47 to any of history’s bad boys. Trump doesn’t have the intelligence to stand shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Nero or Hitler or Stalin or Putin or Kim Jong Un. He is nothing more than a seasoned PR man who hit upon a winning formula with his TV series and gained favor as the lap dog of the world’s truly notorious bad boys.

By now, some of you are asking, “Gabby, and your point is?”

Martin Niemöller, a prominent German pastor in the 1920’s and 1930’s, said, “First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.”

After Hitler’s reign of terror was eliminated, Niemöller toured allied-occupied Germany sharing his self-defined ‘confession’ to urge fellow Germans to accept personal responsibility for their complicity in the Nazi regime’s horror.

Gabby must ask of himself and all Americans, “Are we complicit in the crimes of a rogue government led by a modern-day demigod?” Am I fearful of speaking up and standing shoulder to shoulder with the disenfranchised, the poor, the meek, the homeless, the persecuted, the people of color?”

If so, what is my problem? Lack of courage, lack of compassion, a distorted view of faith?

If any of the above are true, perhaps I should align my life according to the grace and blessing bestowed upon me as an American, to always ask WWJD, to honor the freedom which sober living affords. This is my personal responsibility as an American and as a man of faith. To remain quiet dishonors the many patriots and martyrs who have given their lives trusting all of us with America’s legacy.

……and Gabby says, “AMEN, brother.”

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the challenge

Gabby tries so hard to stay open-minded about politics and social issues and religion. But there are times when Jesus himself says:

“Aw heck, Gabby, go ahead, take the plunge. Do it for me. Remember what I did for you way back when? I gave you a brain with which to think and a conscience with which to guide and then I died for you. Take up my cross, use my gifts and grace, take the chance that you might offend someone. They’ll get over it. But I will be mightily pleased.”

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GABBY COOKS – mac & cheese

Clean & serene living means learning healthy habits and good eating.  And I love recipes that are quick and simple.  Here’s one of my new favorites.

What’s more comforting than home-made macaroni and cheese?  And even better is this stove-top recipe which eliminates a baking dish and a 45 minute wait while it bakes in the oven.  This dish is table ready in 12 minutes.

These are the ingredients

 

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  1. (2) cups dry elbow macaroni
  2. (4) quarts water salted like the sea and brought to a rapid boil
  3. (4) tbsp. unsalted butter
  4. (2) tbsp. flour
  5. up to 3 cups milk
  6. (2) cups sharp cheddar cheese shreds
  7. salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

  1. In a large pot bring the 4 quarts salted water to a boil
  2. Cook the macaroni as directed on the package
  3. In a saucepan melt the butter over a low heat
  4. Sprinkle the flour over the butter and stir for several minutes
  5. When it turns golden, add about 1 cup milk and stir again
  6. Stir until the sauce turns creamy and increase the heat to a medium low
  7. Add more milk until it is creamy and smooth
  8. Add the cheese and stir again until it is thoroughly blended
  9. Salt and pepper as desired
  10. When macaroni is done ladle it out into the cheese sauce with a slotted spoon
  11. Blend until the pasta is evenly coated.
  12. If the macaroni and cheese is too thick and gooey add a spoonful at a time of the pasta water until it is deliciously creamy and smooth
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GABBY COOKS – 3 can quickie

Clean & serene living means learning healthy habits and good eating.  And I love recipes that are quick and simple.  Here’s one of my new favorites.  It serves 2.

Dangit!!  I need a meeting tonight and I’ve got just 1/2 hour to fix supper and eat.  I have only $2 in my wallet so I can’t do Mickey D’s.  Let me see what’s in the pantry.

These are the ingredients

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  1. (1) 15 oz can seasoned mixed greens
  2. (1) 15 oz can seasoned black-eyed peas
  3. (1) 8 3/4 oz can yellow sweet corn
  4. (4)  5″ corn tortillas

DIRECTIONS

  1. Empty the cans into a sauce pot and heat
  2. While that’s heating, quarter the tortillas and fry in a fry pan in about 1/4 cup of oil
  3. Serve the corn chips atop or with the soup
  4. Eat and get to that meeting!
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GABBY COOKS – squash soup

Clean & serene living means learning healthy habits and good eating.  And I love recipes that are quick and simple.  Here’s one of my new favorites.  It serves 2.

C’mon now, don’t wrinkle your nose until you’ve tried it.  It is velvety smooth and delicious.  I use the acorn squash, scientific name is Cucurbita pepo – turbinate.  Originating in North and Central America. historically this squash was used by the Native Americans.  It is a fruit of which the seeds were taken by European explorers and spread throughout the world.

Acorn squash is rich in dietary fiber, vitamin C, vitamin A, thiamin, pantothenic acid, and other B-family vitamins.  It has  a wealth of minerals including potassium, magnesium, manganese, iron, copper, phosphorous, and calcium.  The raw fruit is difficult to peel and I find it easiest to slice it and then steam the slices until tender, cool, and then peel.

The other nutrient-laden ingredient in this soup is the sweet potato.  This tuber is rich  in flavonoid phenolic compounds, powerful natural antioxidants, such as beta-carotene and vitamin A.  Also in sweet potatoes are vitamin B-5, B-6, B-1, niacin, and riboflavin in addition to iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, and potassium.

Not only is this soup good eating, it is a powerhouse of nutrients.

Here are the ingredients

 

  1. 1/2 medium size acorn squash, deep green in color, sliced and steamed until tender.
  2. 1/2 medium size sweet potato peeled and diced
  3. 1 clove garlic smashed
  4. 1/2 tsp chopped jalapeno
  5. 1/2 tsp grated fresh ginger
  6. 4 cups vegetable or chicken broth or combination of both
  7. 4 TBSP butter
  8. salt to taste
  9. grated fresh nutmeg
directions
  1. Melt the butter in a heavy saucepan over medium heat
  2. Add the diced sweet potato
  3. Peel the cooled acorn squash and add to the saucepan
  4. Stir, then add the garlic, ginger and jalapeno
  5. Cook over medium heat about 5 minutes
  6. Add 2 cups of the broth
  7. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook until the ingredients are fork tender
  8. Carefully pour the hot soup into a blender and puree
  9. Return the mixture to the cook pot, add the rest of the broth
  10. Blend well and again simmer to a smooth, velvety texture
  11. Serve in soup bowls and grate fresh nutmeg atop each serving.

If the soup cooks down too much to an overly thick consistency, just add more broth or water.